Humorous Quotes

A flatterer never seems absurd: the flatter'd always takes his word. - Ben Franklin (1706-1790)

A husband is someone who takes out the trash and gives the impression he just cleaned the whole house. - unknown

Age is a very high price to pay for maturity. - unknown

Being young is a fault that diminishes daily. - Swedish (on youth and age)

Blessed is he that can laugh at himself, he will never cease to be amused. - unknown

Credit cards are like mosquitoes. You can keep them away for a while, but sooner or later they will be back to suck your blood. - Ted Steckley (1949-)

Everyone has the right to be stupid but you're abusing the priviledge. - Shiv Daddar

He that falls in love with himself will have no rivals. - Ben Franklin (1706-1790)

I never let my schooling interfere with my education. - Mark Twain (1835-1910)

If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before. - unknown

If you're going to be dumb, you've got to be tough. - William Dempsey Wendt

Lazy people work harder. - unknown (thanks to Jeff Hatch)

Most people aim at nothing in life and hit it with amazing accuracy. - unknown

Opportunities always look bigger going than coming. - unknown.

Patience is never more important than when you are on the verge of losing it. - unknown

The best thing about telling the truth is..you don't have to remember what you said! - unknown, courtesy of Georgie Bee

The church is near but the road is icy; the bar is far away but I'll walk carefully, - Russian Proverb

The money is always greener in the other fellow's wallet. - Bill ?

The trouble with being in a rat race is that even when you win you're still a rat. - Lily Tomlin

Things come to those who wait, but only the things left by those who hustle. - Abraham Lincoln (1809-1865)

Three may keep a secret if two are dead. - Ben Franklin (1706-1790)

When a pessimist has nothing to worry about, he worries about why he has nothing to worry about. - unknown

When you get at the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on. - Franklin Delano Roosevelt (1882-1945)